It is often near the wedding time that Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships can become very complicated. In fact let’s be honest, it can be a bit difficult from the get go…
It could start out rough especially during the first few months of the couple. It’s basically a woman-to-woman problem but if left unresolved for a long period of time, it has the potential to turn into a family problem which nobody really wants, and you certainly don’t want it to ruin your wedding….
Don’t worry if you’re experiencing this problem right now because it’s more common than you think. Only a handful of women get along well with their mother-in-laws with no problems from day 1 until present so don’t stress over it that much.
It is a big deal but we assure you that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
So you can better understand the situation you’re in, here are a few reasons why we don’t really get along well with our mother in laws.
We’ll be adding in some tips that you can follow to foster a better relationship with her (because you have to) too:
Reason #1: She is a lioness protecting her position in the pride.
You’re the new comer and she does feel a little threatened that may take her place somehow. No mother-in-law will admit to this, of course, but think of it this way. She may not say it but she sees herself as someone who you can look up to, someone who you can go to for advice and someone whose advice you will always heed. While that isn’t a bad thing, sometimes mother-in-laws take it to the next level.
Solution #1: Accept her help and her opinion.
From time to time, try to ask for your mother-in-law’s help and for her opinion. But, you have to make sure that she knows her boundaries too.
How do you do that? By talking or communicating.
And later, ask her what decorations would be appropriate for your child’s 1st birthday, ask her what wall paper color looks best in your living room and ask her to teach you her secret meatloaf recipe.
Afterwards, make sure that she knows that she’s appreciated for her help and her presence.
Reason #2: She doesn’t believe in the same things.
There are certain topics that are too hot to handle, especially during a family dinner or a family gathering.
Three at the top of the list would have to be money, religion and politics. The battle begins once someone makes a negative comment about someone else’s beliefs and, the bad news is, it could escalate and leave a few battle scars.
Solution #2: It’s ok to view things differently.
The keyword here is acceptance. As long as your mother-in-laws beliefs don’t cross the morality boundary, then just let it go and accept the fact that people will differ in opinions sometimes.
Trust us when we say that this is a bullet that you absolutely must dodge. Just walk away from it if nobody is willing to.
Reason #3: You’re a new mom and she’s seasoned.
Parenting style – this also has to be at the top most of the list of reasons why mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws don’t get along well.
Comments similar to, “You should have taught your son to [insert whatever here]” are not appreciated and can sometimes come off as rude or insensitive. A lot of women have gone through this before and there’s a proper way to handle this situation:
Solution #3: Don’t take it the wrong way.
Most of the time daughter-in-laws think that when her new mother mentions anything about her children, it is a direct attack on her parenting style – she is judged, she is criticized and she is deemed unworthy to be a mother.
If you agree with this then you have to check yourself again. The solution does not rest on you taking the offense nor the defense. Most of the time, your mother-in-law did not mean anything by what she said. Thicken your skin a little bit.
Bottom Line for the Relationship to Work
The thing is, you both have to expect that there will be changes in their lives – you both have to make room for each other because that’s also what marriage is about: not just the union of two people but a union of two families.
Clear communication, acceptance, knowing limitations and a hint of being thick-skinned are needed for the relationship to work, not just for one side but, for both yourself and your new mom for the sake of your couple and your beloved ;